Why do I screw everything up?

I hate it. So much.

I wish one day, only one day, I was able to shut the fuck up, breathe and think twice. But I don’t seem to have the ability to do so. I have to exteriorize everything, and when I’m done I feel better but others feel like shit, so I feel like shit too.

Sometimes, I go to sleep thinking how my life would be if I was dead. Sometimes I see the people around me and think ‘These people would have everything easier if I’m not around bothering them’. But then I think of how needy I am, how clingy I can be and tears are brought to my face.

I wish everything was over, at least for a day. No more dramas, no more shit, just me being perfectly happy for a whole day.